I find this quote over whelming. How powerful is this quote?!
I was told as some of you have read, i could not have children. Then... if i could have them, it would be very difficult. So, i said i would never have them. Married knowing this. 1 very sad loss but 3 children later...i then followed that never up with i would never love any other child as much as mine.
I never wanted to marry. I didnt want to believe in it. My own parents marriage had failed and i felt like most teens that they had destroyed my life.
I of course married with all the hopes and dreams of a young bride. Saying of course, i will never do to my children what was heaped upon me. With all my might and self destruction, divorce was inevitable almost 10 years later.
I and my sibling endured a situation when we were young that we both reacted as adults, the complete opposite. (text book i am told) Then again, i said: I will never put my children in a situation that would make me react the same as my parent. Here i can say, different situation and i did react differently. They came first. That being said, damage was done.
My Memom (grandmother) had MS. I was raised and taught by her to care for her and be prepared for her long and agonizing death. I spent as much time with her as i could in the time that i had and said again... I never would allow anyone to be with her and see her through such pain at the end. That did not happen. I had my last beautiful baby and took her to meet my Memom, just after before i could get back.. that beautiful woman i loved so, left this world. Without me beside her.
I am a complicated and twisted person. Through in some laughter and sarcasm and as a young adult i was sure i would never find a career that i would be happy in and just accepted i would never settle. As it turned out, i did not settle. I had a very long career as a hair dresser that i was very sad to have to retire from too early. It not only catered to each part of me, i was able to take from it so much love and memories from so many angels that sat in my chair.
The way that i have lived my life and the age my own Dad passed i have always said i would never live to see my grand children and it has saddened me. My son gave me a beautiful grand daughter.
I can go on and on with the Never's in my life. My point to this is:
I am right where i said i would never be. With an incredible man who loves me ... just for me. Who not only loves being a dad, wanted many more children. Who has failed and fallen and understands high expectations. I am the mother of 3 incredibly strong children. I love his beautiful daughter very much. I am the Mimi to a beautiful grand daughter. I am able to help my step mother through her second time of Cancer, this one will in the end take her from me some day. Having lost my Dad, this is an honor for me. I am also able to be beside her mothers bed as much as possible as Hospice cares for her.
You see, in the end (not that i am done of course) I am right where i started or always wanted to be. A mom, loved unconditionally and that caregiver that Memom taught me to be. Although, i was forced to retire early and then unable to work for a while, I have even found just recently in fact a very flexible job that gives me the luxury of getting out of the house (turns out i am not good at retirement), helping me continue to do all those NEVER'S.
So i challenge you, write those plans in pencil, with a good eraser.
Never say never......
