I was told recently by someone "don't worry, i will never be your burden". This from the same person that told me "You will lose your children in the life you live in". Well, i have not lost my babies and a burden you will never be. Some things we need to except, I will not only never understand this person, but i will continue to love and learn from them. Redonkulous...but we all have our cross to carry. Judgement will never be a part of my life, thank goodness.
Anywho, I reflect. Adulthood is what we spend recovering from our childhood. My dad (the stories of his childhood are well less than i will type, lets just say he was a self made man) told me "i do this (whatever it was) for you and expect only one thing in return. Do more/better for you're children". I offer and have paid for therapy. There ya go dad. From the mother of three of the strongest people i know. Also, the mimi to what will be the strongest grand daughter. For what you will have to face my toot, never feel alone and always meet that challenge head on. You're daddy will pay for therapy.
Noodle salad..... Some people actually get that life. I believe it is because they could not deal with much more. Some of us are made to be 10 foot tall and bullet proof. Some of us are not. Period. Not our's to choose. Just how we were created.
I love movies. I love books and i cherish music. The last two were gift 's from my mom and dad. Both, big book and music people. I love that they gave me that. The movie thing...... That is me. In my adolescents i found refuge in books and music. Although i appeared much an extrovert, i was very much an introvert. My wit and sarcasm kept people at bay and i have found out later in life ... scared. Reality can show, i was actually an introvert. Once again proving.... Do not judge a book by its size double D breasts. (another topic for the tortured teen element) Movies, gave me what you would call today as reality tv. I could identify with the movie. How could this be?
I leave this babble while continuing my most challenging journey to date (that includes birth, first two were a bitch). Inner family (manic depressive/ocd vs. teenagers/college students and grand child) and external family (non blood related for those that care) I can say this of both. Not giving up. Sticking NMW, for how long and through it, now around it, under it or over it. This has been....... The hardest adventure to date. I cared for my maternal grandmother for years. I could do anything a nurse could do. I learned and did whatever she needed. I was raised to understand it was not only my job but my gift. She made me understand at a young age that life is huge pain in the ass AND it will only get harder. I learned this and still am. I made tons of mistakes and have 3 of the greatest kids, in spite of me. I have found the love of my life in a package just as bruised as mine.
Now in retrospect what feels like a 100 years later, i am in a pickle. Sour all the way around both internal and external. Given the tools i have needed, thank you God... I will succeed and in that cope with what will be my final adventure. Family.
blabber dedicated to my babies ... including you my toot. What all of you will face, you will never face alone. YOU will have each other. Never take that for granted.
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