As it turns out the return on the investments, are still the hugs and kisses and i love you's. Though rare as they get older still takes my breath away. Dont get me wrong, my kiddo's are amazing, gifted, beautiful and oh my strong willed and so dang funny. But lets be honest, this was an investment that is not exactly a financially returned venture. LOL.
On another note, as i sit and listen to my babies when we have family night. All the chatter of my 3 monkeys with my adopted kiddo's or my sprang family. My 3 always catch my ear. The memories they have of the childhood i remember dont seem to match. I guess all those pictures they complained about will be my only proof.
I wonder as i look back when i started realizing my parents were people? My actions directly affected them? That no one could quite put the sting in something said like i could? A child hears a mothers heartbeat first. A heart so full of love that it can in this mother's eyes overcome any pain. But as I aged, i do remember the looks my dad gave me from across a table. The hugs that grew tighter from my mom. The tears that i now know may have been my fault. Retrospect is an interesting place to sit isnt it?
My babies and i have lived a roller coaster and lived to tell the tale. I do not claim to be mother of the year, best cook, a clean freak or a buddy. So as i listen to them and the memories they speak of, i think back and am amazied......it wasnt the survival of my kids that was ever in question. I was out numbered and no one died! When you have more than 2 children or at least in my home it meant i always had 4 to 7 at a time and a big damn car. Some of my favorite memories of the overwhelming 10 year period of time they dont remember at all. Again, thank goodness for pictures because even to me it is a blur sometimes. Parenthood is an endurance contest. I truly believe. I will not quit i know they know this of me and ..i am finally seeing that they wont on each other. I wont always be around. As a mom, that is a fear for me. Aging and dying dont scare me. Not being here for them, that is a fear i understand all to well. Siblings are Gods gifts of a permanent friend for life. Yet, it is what you make it i suppose.
I sit and watch and listen to them. They will always be there for each other. They have each others backs, and although bicker like brats......Watch each other with love or anger......but they are watching out for each other. For that if only that, they will never be alone. So, the memories may differ but the future is secure. The bond they have, is my greatest blessing.
Now getting them all to that place of security and adulthood ........That is a journey we are stil on. Have no fear..........I have survived far worse. I have the pictures hahaha.
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