Teenage daughters

Martina McBride- Teenage Daughters- Los Angeles, …: http://youtu.be/LbhpAE7GxNM

God vs Money; the garage sale

So, we have been talking about this garage sale for months.  Downsizing so that we as a family (all of us whether they want to be family or not) have had to face in order to accomplish caring for our elders and youth.  Our Brian has taken the burden, toll and Grace of a responsibility that is not his as i have.  Resentments, anger, depression and loss have held us both in its hands.  That is not to say that those emotions have been matched by love, compassion, the joy of giving and the gift of being role models to 5 of the best children.  Maybe even some day memories to a grand daughter.

This garage sale was going to be the gift that got us back above water.  Not that we are drowning, but possibly some breathing room to care for all of our babies and my gram and The Nana who is herself battling Cancer.  

Let me share with you what this garage sale ended up giving me personally:

I met a mother that was not able to give Christmas to her children.  she bought a play house i had wanted much more for of course.  She also received anything i could throw in that house as i was able to watch my grand daughter play in it. The side note to this is Brian had a past with this woman if only for a few minutes of pain.  He had hit her dog years ago and it haunted him.  She did not recognize him but God brought her back into our lives long enough to give her babies a late Christmas for the 10.00 she had to spend.  Did i get the $ i thought we needed? NO!  WE could give our babies Christmas and now... two hearts possibly more filled and healed.

I met a mother of a 15 year old that had gotten pregnant and she lost her husband over in order to support her stupid daughter or not ....her daughter keep her daughter.  Clothes i had wanted more than she had all of the sudden were boxed up and given for the $5.00 she was able to spend.  She couldnt believe i was letting baby clothes go so cheap.  I having been there was overwhelmed with love being able to tell her my story and explain that time heals much.  She tried to give me more and i insisted that i was charging all the same.

I met a father that had a little girl who wanted a mickey mouse vhs movie and he only had enough to get her some clothes.  She came up to me and said "miss, i have this ... as she dug in her little pocket.  She showed me four pennies.  What can i get for this so i dont have to ask my dad?"  Having heard them talking i said "thats a lot of money!  if your are willing to buy this hat (one of my daughters with pink trim) i think we could make a deal on a mickey mouse movie."  She shook my hand and walked away with a big smile and announced to her dad " dont worry dad, i bought it.  The lady and i made a deal."  He looked at me with gratitude and again, my heart filled.

Brian sold a refrigerator that we def. could have gotten much more for to a wonderful couple and as tired as i knew he was then proceeded to help them move it.  The wife was so excited to have a bigger freezer.  The same freezer i was complaining about being small.  shame on me.

We sold a couch that was ethan allen and if you know Ethan Allen  it is worth quite a lot.  Knowing this is a garage sale, i knew i would not get what it was worth but i had to try so we could get ahead.    A neighbor we had never met after a dozen people had asked about the couch pulled over and took one look at it.  Asked how much, i told her and she said, "ill be right back."  and she did.  She called her son and once again Brian helped the son carry the couch to their home because his moms car was too small.  When i asked the son if we had interrupted him?  He said "whatever mom wants, i will do"  Again, i did not get what i wanted but her smile and that son... filled my heart.  Watching our B help...unbelievable.

Then there were the people that pulled up in mercedes, big trucks, carrying expensive purses etc... haggling over 2.00 or 5.00.  I realized, i would rather throw it away.  Shame on them.

Near the end of my day i was alone.  I was feeling agitated and hurt because my own son had not shown to help me put some heavy stuff back in the garage.  I was trying to reflect on my day because i had spoken to him and he was having a bad day.  My first response was really???  His version of a bad day was not near mine ever.   I still had to eat, and go to stay with my Gram over night...ugh tired.

So i was moving stuff back into garage.... a car pulled up.  An elderly woman gets out and i said come on... you can just look in the garage.  She was obviously grateful.  She had just gotten off of work and couldnt get there earlier.  She went through and bought pillows, knick knacks, odds and ends that didnt look like her.  So being me i asked "why the assortment?"  none of my business of course yet she answered.  I work at a nursing home.  I buy things and mark them from family members.  You would be surprised how many of these wonderful people never have a visitor.  Oh they pay the bill but are too busy to visit or call.  I was then relieved my son was safe and late.

On top of it all when Brian had to leave to work today thank you Mother Nature for the ice yesterday.  His truck would not start.  Blam.....new battery.  But guess what?  we had it. We had the money to buy one right then.  How many people had i met today that would never be able to do that?

As  i closed the door and locked it i reflected again.  What if my son had been on time?  Who wouldn't have gotten a gift?  How blessed am i that I not only visit my gram but am privileged to help and spend time with her every weekend.  We arent drowning.......we are blessed.  We have so very much. A family (stubborn or not) that we love and can care for.  Items to sell... thats the bottom line.  

What started out a venture to get ahead showed me God was in my front yard all day reminding me ... Dont ask, give.    Give because i can.  Because I have never been hungry, my children have never done without, i am able to care for them and my elders and i am loved by a man that has God in his heart and no one would ever know it.  

In the end we still ended up earning enough to accomplish the goals we wanted for our new home.   Did we earn more?  No, not in money.  In something better, people.  I have always said no one comes in my life by accident.  I stand by that.

God=winning!!!!!!!!!  What a great great day! 

p.s.  i have had $, i have been middle class, i have had too much $.  Ill take right where God has me right now......all day every day.

The calm before the chemo chaos

RAMBLINGS & BABBLE

This is not our first battle with cancer as a family.  We have three more.  Two still surviving.  One in heaven i know helping us to fight this time once again.  I have always said i have been surrounded by strong, stubborn women my entire life.  The first battle of breast cancer my step mom beat thanks to family and my Dad.  Now.....facing a new cancer i know more than ever my B is in my life for the same reason.  To support me in my support of one strong stubborn woman.  My step mom! Every time i think back and wonder how in the hell did we end up together?  God answers me once again....you are where you are meant to be exactly in the moment you were supposed to be there.  This man was made just for me from Him.  How blessed am i?  Its surreal (sp?)

The last 6-8 weeks have been challenging to say the least, but what is coming......That is what Girl power is.  This week we do not have one Dr. appointment (for donna).   Just a calm week for Donna.  preparing for  the tests to come and then the horrific poison that will enter her in order to rid herself (only to maintain) temporarily of such an ugly cancer.  My gram is still with us and at almost 91 still living at Donna's and has 24 hour care.  I am not working at this time due to kids, donna, gram, moving, etc..... the list never stops.  Who is going to hire someone that say "oh and um, i need off every other week twice a week and anytime someone craps out on her or  my girls"  LOL  um not.

I look at the women that have come and some even gone from my life, then i look at my daughters look at their Nana (donna).  I know, they will also be strong in their convictions.  I watch them help and understand what is going on as they watch..me, her, B and our family come together in what will only end someday sooner than we had hoped.  But...i know the Devine presence here is He has us to come together.

I look at her handle all she is facing.....in awe.  What do i have to complain about?  I could not be more blessed.  Every time i have a shitty day now.  Every time i get down or over whelmed.  Is it relative?  sure.  Are we struggling? Hell yes.  Am i healthy and loved and have my family that now includes that incredible (and also stubborn) man of mine?  Hell yes!  Am i able to somehow so far.....help her after all she has done for me?  Yes.    Devine Presence i thank You so much as i continue to just try....

I say more than ever, make me laugh.  show me a sunrise or sunset.  With every set of tears i make sure they are followed by laughter.  It has too......crying only makes our eyes swollen, nose red and like my Memom said basically look like crap.  Laughter through tears....Prayer through fear.

Yes, this week i will be washing all the big girl panties.  Charging my broom and preparing to defy gravity once again with this woman i love so much.  People ask me constantly.......How do you keep going?  my answer is always the same.  Where is the choice?  That......was taught to me.

I wear a bracelet as several of us do in my family.  It was given to me after my Dad died.  You may recognize its scripture.  "For God so loved  this world that he gave his only begotten Son, that who so ever believeth in Him should not perish but have everlasting life." I never take it off, it keeps my Dad and my Father close.  

This too shall pass..............breathe.   inhale......exhale......repeat.  Cherish what surrounds you and dont blink.