I am not your punching bag, i am your parent.

Can we talk about entitlement?  When did this become a word that went along with disrespect and why is it in my life? Coming out of my children's mouths or any of the children i have help to raise or know me well?

do for me
buy for me
can you do this for me
when will you do this
why cant i do this
its my way or no way
i cant
i dont care
lies, lies

i can go on and on and on.  i realize most of this is normal.  But what if they dont out grow it?  what if..they truly believe i owe it to them?

Ever notice, the more you do for them, the more they expect?
I say notice this:  Do for yourself.  Notice what i do actually do for you.  Mean what you say and say what you mean.  Stand on your own two feet and be proud of yourself and stop caring what others think of you and start caring more what i think of you.  Stop using me as your punching bag.  I stopped being one the second i delivered you or started caring for your child.    Kick somewhere else.  This mom is tired.

This generation needs to learn the manners that they had when they were small, are still a must.  They are not optional.  Put them back on and find the respect for your elders.  You may otherwise find yourself alone and regretting much.  I may start living for me instead of you.  I enjoy caring for you.  You are my job and i take that seriously and with much much love however;
 I am important, not just your parent.

Teachers/parents

I saw this the first time and thought about friends, strangers, customers etc.  But really it starts at home doesnt it?
I have three completely different children.  They look alike, sometimes smell alike and might even use similar gestures but they are so different.  I see me in them a lot.  As a mom i want more.  More from them, for them and of them.  I see their dad as well, even friends i have had in their lives over a span of time and some very recently.  We are all teachers to our children.
 I have allowed people to hurt me, run over me, abuse me verbally and physically over a  span of time. In efforts unknowing to me of "doing the right thing" of course.  In these last 19 years my babies have watched a mom set boundaries and then become TOO stubborn.  They have seen me go from weak to batshit crazy at times.  They have found.....i am human.  I pray they see i am consistent in my love for them.  I wonder though sometimes when i hear how they treat me, or see how they act towards me?  Did they learn that from me?  Because of how i allowed others to treat me or because of how i treat others.
I have two that want more.......always more.  One that barely asks a thing and only wants quiet.  As a child she was the informer. She is my unique love. She doesnt want to be like anyone, she just wants to be someone. The oldest was my rock much to young, i never asked a thing.  He would anticipate it and go above and beyond... and in the end that has made him weak. how is that possible?  I have no doubt he will achieve great things but the pain he will put himself and others through first is hard to watch.  My middle one......my minime.  She is the most passionate.  she FEELS everything.  Then makes sure i FEEL it as well.
If my own children dont understand moms boundaries, how am i assured they set them for others.
I say all the time as it was said to me:  Parenting is an uphill challenge, one i was blessed with and quickly outnumbered by. It is an endurance contest - Bill Cosby & Dad said.
between you and me.......its amazing how much i love these three people, such a blessing all day every day..........and it can be exhausting.  <3

note to self

I believe after years of experience (im old, dont argue with me) that another word for manic is panic.  Panic is based solely on Fear.  Fear is a branch of my tree (or to one of my many personalities) the Devil loves to play.  It can take a part of me over and make things that are very small or sometimes  serious seem overwhelming.  It can make me feel......things that just are not real. They are just feelings.  feelings that the devil is wanting me to respond too..... Reality must be faced but not based on fear or panic.
 So in this last month once again things have changes for i what i would 90% of the time feel like is for the better.  Then that 10% of manic/panic = Fear will kick in and its time to do what i have learned to do over time: wait 24 hours, step back.  pray.  rest. Be still.....only in the stillness can i hear Him and push away that evil manic/panic fear. 
 There is never enough money, never enough time (per my sister). Breathe because.....I have and am surrounded with so much Love. Inhale.......exhale, repeat.   Coming unglued is ok.  Just step back and Be Still Michelle!

note to reader:  For some of you this may sound crazy.  I would be willing to bet, for most of you it might sound like some version of normal.  So, from me to you.  You are not alone.