Fear & Doubt vs God & a Strong willed woman

I think of my life as a roller coaster.  Some ups some downs but usually very fast and exciting. Lifetime movies would love me.  Ive had it all, done it all and or seen it all.  ( i always hope Meg Ryan or Michelle Pfeifer would play me, would most likely end up whoopie goldberg haha)

 With age i have liked this train analogy much better.  With age i have thought of that light at the end of the tunnel as dimming, going out and even blinking just to throw me off (Gods sense of humor).  The last year has been one of "those" years.  More of the roller coaster kind.  Yet, more blessings than troubles. Many many more.  i know this to be true, even fact.

The last month has tested this knowledge and last week i fear tested my families.  Being a manic, strong willed woman, i tend to allow my fear to react vs. respond.  I come unglued faster and forget who my Rock is and how He found me.  I forget all i have come through and how i got here.  All i see and feel is fear.  Add to that a medical issue and it weakened my spirit and ruined most of my week into the weekend.

Here it is Monday again and i woke with the same fears and pain.  But.....much to the devils dismay, rolled over and grabbed my devotional.  I realized right then i did not read it once last week.  I prayed every day but i did not listen.  I was not still enough to hear Him only my fear.  I was not doing what i know i should.  i was not following my rules.  I allowed fear (the devil in my life by the way....fear and doubt) to make me believe otherwise.

I would not have the blessings i do now had i not created these rules i live by.  The very boundaries that keep me safe in His arms.  So this week i say to fear and doubt...i still hurt physically, im still worried and the issues i need resolved are still not resolved BUT i sacrifice them all to Him. (Leviticus 1:2) I will be still and listen, read and take care of me and my family with the same blind Faith that has given me so much. I will sacrifice all this fear and doubt up to You.  I have been down this tunnel and come out with Him.

So be GONE evil one.  You are not welcome in this home or my heart.  I have already seen it all and i recognize you.  I am responsible for me, my actions and emotions.  This train of love i am on is safe and loved and through the darkness will come the light.  My family, though this side of nuts brings me all the strength i was meant to have.  I am exactly where i should be.  I am blessed even when i dont feel it.  I look at my family.....each of them and remember. How lucky am i to have each of them and their flaws?   For this too shall pass, and this time it will pass with us all together.

I am putting away my pen (control) and remembering......i am not in control.  I am just blessed.