love never fails.

Several members of my family have come to me recently after a tantrum or a bad day, a stressful situation etc.. and asked me or told me "Momma/mimi/michelle, how can you love me No Matter What?" Because someone said this or did that or oh, who knows. My response is always the same. I will never leave you, quit on you or stop loving you. No matter what! Here is the answer to my families question of me. God hit me with it right in the face this morning while i was getting stressed over not having enough hours in the day to do all i WANT to for all of them. He said very clearly to me Love never fails, then i turned on the radio and guess what the verse was they were talking about? Then if that wasnt enough... i come home to sit and watch the end of a movie and write out Christmas cards and what are they talking about but the same dang thing. Ok God, i got it and to my babies....... all of you from 5 years old -68 years young. LOVE NEVER FAILS 1Corninthians 13;7-8

p.s. Thank you God for wine......

Memories differ - early morning babble

As it turns out the return on the investments, are still the hugs and kisses and i love you's. Though rare as they get older still takes my breath away. Dont get me wrong, my kiddo's are amazing, gifted, beautiful and oh my strong willed and so dang funny. But lets be honest, this was an investment that is not exactly a financially returned venture. LOL.

On another note, as i sit and listen to my babies when we have family night. All the chatter of my 3 monkeys with my adopted kiddo's or my sprang family. My 3 always catch my ear. The memories they have of the childhood i remember dont seem to match. I guess all those pictures they complained about will be my only proof.

I wonder as i look back when i started realizing my parents were people? My actions directly affected them? That no one could quite put the sting in something said like i could? A child hears a mothers heartbeat first. A heart so full of love that it can in this mother's eyes overcome any pain. But as I aged, i do remember the looks my dad gave me from across a table. The hugs that grew tighter from my mom. The tears that i now know may have been my fault. Retrospect is an interesting place to sit isnt it?

My babies and i have lived a roller coaster and lived to tell the tale. I do not claim to be mother of the year, best cook, a clean freak or a buddy. So as i listen to them and the memories they speak of, i think back and am amazied......it wasnt the survival of my kids that was ever in question. I was out numbered and no one died! When you have more than 2 children or at least in my home it meant i always had 4 to 7 at a time and a big damn car. Some of my favorite memories of the overwhelming 10 year period of time they dont remember at all. Again, thank goodness for pictures because even to me it is a blur sometimes. Parenthood is an endurance contest. I truly believe. I will not quit i know they know this of me and ..i am finally seeing that they wont on each other. I wont always be around. As a mom, that is a fear for me. Aging and dying dont scare me. Not being here for them, that is a fear i understand all to well. Siblings are Gods gifts of a permanent friend for life. Yet, it is what you make it i suppose.

I sit and watch and listen to them. They will always be there for each other. They have each others backs, and although bicker like brats......Watch each other with love or anger......but they are watching out for each other. For that if only that, they will never be alone. So, the memories may differ but the future is secure. The bond they have, is my greatest blessing.

Now getting them all to that place of security and adulthood ........That is a journey we are stil on. Have no fear..........I have survived far worse. I have the pictures hahaha.

I gave you each other

Do better, be better give better .... honor my loving sacrifices that I would do again and again. ... Just to be you're momma. I'm not perfect.  I'm a mess. But you're. .. You're my always.  Never forget that.  You are my breath, my trophies, my loves when you realize I might be human I might bleed and feel. Don't!  Because I have everything.
Been loved by those that needed me when they needed me. Isn't that what I was here for? Each of you.

   You.... I was told would not be born. Then, shouldn't have... what kind of Mother would I be? 
Instead, medicinal people were wrong. My own people were wrong.   You each gave ME life.  For that. ..I expect unconditional love, not to me. . To each other. ... Forgiveness when you think you shouldn't.  Mostly. .. To know when each of you think your alone you're Not dammit! You might think I'm not there. ...I am. Pick up a phone. .. Then the one being called.  Answer!  Nmw always. Teach it,own it, live it.
For those that don't want to feel what you're feeling.  That's OK too.   NMW to each other.
Momma

The I Wants.....

At the age and time of my life today, the needs/wants i have are free.  Isnt that something?  Look backwards friends......now its free?  crazy, right?
I want to be happy.  I want to be present.  I want to enjoy my family. I want to let go.  I want to see all of my babies gradate from college and find something out there they truly love to do and even make a few bucks doing it.  I would love to see a few more of my grand babies born, though if i am only blessed to see one; i am grateful. I want to continue working on my relationship with my savior. (apparently, i do not listen enough, shocker)  I want to wake up and go to sleep next to the same person. I want to work in a vegetable garden and wear silly hats.  Mostly, i want to laugh.  I want to laugh a lot. 

Like few, i enjoy getting older and the lessons i have learned and are now able to teach.  The biggest for me, is how very short it is.  Dont blink.

p.s.  i have not given up on that trip to Italy with my family.  But i have come to realize that looking in my own windows has been a ride of a lifetime and now the joy of my heart.

Parenthood vs teenagers

So, today was a kids win, parents over whelmed day.  I'm not stupid.  I know they are our creations from the environments we raised them in.  But, wow. .. Were we this disrespectful, ungrateful, entitled? 
How about that playing the parents against each other at this age? 
Thank God we can't eat our young (most mammals can) and we love them. 
I never wanted girls because of my own relationship with my mom and hers with her mom.  I was very scared of history.  We have the most beautiful girls.  Now this history?
Maybe we can't hide from it?
Just another day in paradise. .......
Tomorrow is another day.....

Entitlement vs Empowerment

Here's an idea....
Instead of our children growing to feel this sense of quite obvious entitlement, they should instead feel as they begin their journey away from us as parents a sense of Empowerment!

 Blessed that they can stand on their own two feet, lean on one another (all siblings, yes even step...you are a family).  Know that they can kneel and pray for wisdom and guidance!  Have the confidence (not to be confused with cockiness) we, as parent's and God gave them to take risks, fall down, make some mistakes. Because, yes you are kids.  Maybe some of you are even considered young adults or even yes its true...Adults.  Then own those mishaps!  Pray for forgiveness and ask for help.  We are here as you're biggest fans. Watching you grow has and will be our privelidge we were blessed with.  Go out there and become who you are, raise your children with the integrity we so pray we have wanted for each of you.  We do not want a bunch of Thursday's for you.  LIVE, LAUGH and oh....please LOVE! 

Stop thinking the world owes you.  You're parents owe you.  We do not owe you anything.  Most of my generation worked.  Yes, we worked AND went to high school.  We bought our own beat up used car's and fell on our faces, some more than others.  We did not have trust funds, college funds, financial safety nets that we could be so cocky as to think we could just do as we pleased without consequences or those nets having holes we could not see.  Some of us grew up fast and some of us may have taken longer but we grew up.  This generation today... my babies included for some unknown reason to me as they were primarily raised by a single mother that worked, a father that built his own career from grease to top without a college degree and now a paternal father figure that has built his own business in what should have been the worst economy through pure determination and sweat... yet, still even my children believe in this sense of entitlement.  You all want to be treated as adults but then not act like one.  You want to keep that hand out and then snatch it away when you fall down.  Crawl home or into our laps and cry "im just a kid".  

This is not life my love's.  Life is hard, it will kick you and beat you up.  It is as i have always said the largest roller coaster ever.  There will be more downs then ups and God has a sense of humor.  He will throw loops just when you think you are smooth sailing in a direction you are planning.  Write you're plans in pencil always, because He has the pen and that sense of humor He has will be the cross your carry.    

My own dad always told me, "What i have done for you will be nothing compared to what i expect you to do for my grandchildren.  I have done better than i was given and now i expect you to do the same."  He was the greatest, i remember even as an adult about letting me drive to his office, walk straight to him and crawl in his lap.  He would hold me and say "Ok kiddo, you have 5 min.  Cry, tears are never a bad thing.  They cleanse the soul."  After that 5 minutes, sometimes a titch longer her would push me up.  Tell me to wash my face and go face the music.  "He did not raise a quitter and it was no longer his job to fix it."  Oh, what i wouldnt give for 5 minutes again.  

Because here's the kicker kiddo's, we wont always be here to catch your pretty little asses.  We are not raising quitters.  We are giving you the tools to create a beautiful life.  It is up to you to own it.  Stake your claim.  Set you're boundaries and stand your ground.  Create goals and then see them through.  Going around anything will never solve it.  (trust me)

I know i have kept my word to my dad and done more than my parents did for me for my children and will continue to do unconditionally.   I am blessed to have found a partner that shares that style of parenting.  We do not expect anything for that love and financial help or guidance.  We have wiped those butt's, dried those tears, rocked you to sleep and watched the same movies over and over oh and over, reread books, sat or sat down with you until you slept, helped with homework, driven you all over hell and gone and paid for all those redonkulously priced social events, clothes, sporting events and parties.   We have done this because we love you. We love each hair on you're spoiled head. 

Now, go and do better, be better.  Because you know better!  Say thank you, be kind, tell the truth it is always so much easier to remember,  open doors, over-tip, help someone to the car, go and get those degree's, use them wisely.  Give back what you have been given and please please listen more than your speak.  God gave you two ears, only one mouth.

  Remember always, we are you're biggest fans and regardless of what you may think we will always be rooting for you, but we will not always be here.  Life is short.  

I am so very tired of this generation and this sense entitlement i see every day in strangers. I obviously can go on and on about it.  So this is what i know: Entitlement will land you sadly sometimes very alone.  Empowerment, will keep that head held high and your ass able to bounce back.  Character and your word can never be taken from you.  You are responsible for you.  Stop sticking that hand out and start holding some one else's.  Be grateful.  You are alive and everything is in front of you.  The blame game is false and You're parents really do know what you are up to and why.  Contrary to popular belief, we were you're age once.  Lastly, we really do want the very best for you because we love you.

Now, go.. go and grow up.  Pass what you learn to you're own children if you choose to have them, be careful about what you think you know and Call your parents every now and then because regardless: