It is no secret that i believe that God made women the stronger sex. Why else would He equip us with the gift of child rearing? I say child rearing and not child birth because there are mom's out there that were given the gift of a child through someone else's gift of birth. (but were unable to care for the child) I was told at a young age i may not be able to have children. Once again, God's sense of humor was in my life. Not only could i have children but i could have three of the most beautiful, stubborn , strong willed creatures alive today. To be able to raise a child ... and not kill it is only a woman's gift. Look at some animals? They eat their young. This is frowned upon in all rights among most, so i deduce God made us the stronger sex.
My Memom told me at a very young age: "Mimi, you will fall in mud and come up smelling of roses" or as i like to think she meant; i will do everything the hardest damn way and survive it. Strength will choose me. Which meant with age, learn and grow from every mistake. Strong willed is no stranger to me. So of course i have three strong willed children. I have no doubt i will also have a strong willed grand daughter as she is showing signs of it already in her "NO! and STOP IT!"
Be careful what you wish and pray so very hard for. God will always hear our prayers. What we receive may be extactly what we prayed for. I wanted children. I wanted a mess of them and i wanted a family, not just a family but a "no matter what family". The I love you No matter what Family to me meant just that. No matter what you do, where you go, how you get there and when you return; i love you no matter what. I was taught that and i wanted to give it back so badly. I had the gift of a few that i pushed and pushed and damned if they never quit on me. So i prayed and prayed. Well, i got a mess of them in three. I ended up with them alone and i learned the hardest way i could how to be good at them. I have of course done all i can to mess them up and in spite of me, they too will had strength choose them. My girls more than my son but he has shown signs of strength when i was scared most. So there is proof that he too will survive his childhood.
I mentioned my grand daughter and prayers earlier; Gods sense of humor once again. I know already i will not live to be an old woman. This doesnt bother me. There are great things waiting for me in Heaven and i do not have any fear of death. I started praying years ago that i may live long enough to see a grandchild born and grow. That i would have a place for him/her in my home. Be the Mimi i was given in a Memom as a child. I learned obviously He listens, He gave me children didnt he? So why not just ask? Here you have just another prayer answered through comedy of the heavens. I became a "mimi" (as i was already one this wasnt a huge jump..dont judge the name, i was selfish child) at 43 year old. My son became a father at 17. I watched him not only become a father but embrace this child like no man i have ever seen in my lifetime. A man and a baby do no mix much in my eyes. My son however is a natural. This passed with immaturity and fear of responsibility over the next year but ... he is slowly returning with maturaity and balance or maybe just fear that i might actually kill him, i dont know for sure. Here once again, God said "ok Michelle, you prayed i granted". (BUT you will start early i guess??? ugh, He is so funny) Again, Strength found me.
I prayed for years and years for a "no matter what" family. Well i didnt pray to be in it alone. I didnt believe in Cinderella , the girl had zero taste in shoes..glass? Seriously? I also wasnt a fan of Ken, Barbie honestly marries a plastic surgeon girls. Really...
This may come as a shock to most of you but i am a bit of a handful, not easy to love and there is that complicated strong will. I just dont get it. I sound like a jewel, right?
Needless to say two marraiges, a failed long term relationship and through losing my very best friend (who could only be a man), i have my partner in crime finally. God's sense of humor. I had to lose it all. No, really..i lost everything and when i stood up my partner in life, the person that is capable of loving me no matter, what was around the corner (quite literally) most of my life and BONUS had another child for me to love. Gods sense of humor and strength found me.
I do believe woman are the stronger sex. I also believe we dont always choose strength. Most times through Grace, Strength just chooses us. Im stubborn enough to fall, but thanks to Grace; i am not stupid enough not to hold on to my strength when it chose me.
I have my No matter what life and damn if it isnt a comedy of errors and chaos. You can be very sure my prayers are much more clear and i listen all the time though i dont show it much... Like my children are to me. I am always His work in progress embraced by His sense of continuous humor.
Stay tuned...Lots of changes in this home are coming and these times always prove to be a challenge. I am very sure though.......We will survive it together, NO MATTER WHAT.
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