When someone else's actions or statements threathen to pull me into a bad place, i have a choice. i do. It may not feel like it. in fact, it may feel like i am a slave to my feelings - but im not. Remember, feelings are indicators, not dictators or so i read. They can indicate there is a situation i need to deal with, but they shouldnt dictate how i react. My emotions, sometimes i refer to them as my other personalities are strong creatures but... i have a choice. My choice is whether or not to give the other person the power to control my emotions. the one that holds their tounge is the one who hold the power. When i react by yelling, flying off the handle, or making a snappy comment, i basically transfer my power to the other person or my other personality so to speak. ( i am not made up of a mental disorder nor am i making light of such pain in others. Simply that i wear so many hats very proudly but they are strong arent they?) when i am void of power i am void of self control. When i say my power i am not speaking of something i conjured up myself.
- Unglued vs Boundaries - You choose which book or audio. I surround myself with christian motivation and christian rock music. It is not all that i read or all that i listen too but when i need it, when im fighting me.. it is what i choose as my weapons, sometimes against myself (im not as nice as i used to be ya know). I am not what you would call a holy roller. I am not even a weekly church attendant. Im insane busy! But i love music and i love to read, why not use those passions for what gives back to me? God!! He even has a sense of humor that i witness daily, ugh. Regardless... its all an ongoing lesson for me.
I mean the power i have witnessed, felt and worked so very hard to give over to God and allow Him to work in me. Swallowing both Pride and accepting humble need. (this can be a painful and hysterical battle in the shower) I know, i know every one has bad days, moments after all we are human. i know. This weekend was a roller coaster.... unlike some i have boarded willingly mind you before. Emotions "Amuck" !! sad, angry, shocked, sympathy, love, happy, you name it.
I am so pleased to say i work on my self control like i breathe. Everyone has weaknesses. Mine are my kids. Hurt my kids and i dont think before i speak. Before i react vs reply. My claws come out and i put them in front of all thought process, even at my loss. They come first. No one is allowed to hurt them.....but we as parents do, dont we? All we want to do is mold, help, nurture, hold on tight and then poof*, when we arent watching that one second we do something that well might be emotional and then...... we realize it is just another thing to work on. But dont anyone else dare, right!! oh......the joys of parenthood and emotions.
So yes God, I hear you loud and clear and i see where i need work and thank you for the reminder via a sudden and tragic death, concern and worry for a deploying soldier, an unexpected and over due homecoming and, and, and, and, oh AND.
Self control and ME - The saga continue's.
This like others is an OLD journal entry i reflect on monthly, daily sometimes just weekly. As i am reminded in my oldest daughter as recently as last night. She is not her emotions, they do not own her and words are weapons. I can not eat my young!!! They have to grow so they can reflect.......on just how Great things are going to get on their roller coaster through self control, humor, love and GRACE!
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